I taught two of my kids how to drive. Next year will be Daughter #2's turn. She'll get her permit at sixteen, then drive with me coaching her for six months, and get her license at sixteen-and-a-half. That age seemed so old to me when First-Born Son was there. Now, suddenly, it seems quite young.
My days as chauffeur are almost over. You would think I'd be relieved. After all, I've spent the last 20 years driving kids where they need to go, requiring that, on many occasions, I be in two or three places at the same time. And I am relieved. But still.
I've learned so much about my kids from driving them around. I was privy to conversations with their friends that I would never have heard if I was sitting in the same room. There was something about being one-to-one in the car that always offered up a wealth of unanticipated and surprisingly intimate conversation.
It's like when they were young and I was putting them to bed. It was late, I was tired. Yet it always seemed to be the time they picked to open up and share the secrets of their day: who had been mean at school; what they loved about their friends; what was really worrying them. I learned to relax and listen.
Driving them is a lot like that. I've had a long day. I need to start dinner or get ready for work. I'm tired and I still have to fold the wash and pay bills. But instead, I'm driving someone to play rehearsal or basketball practice. Or they're going to a football game or a sleepover.
Yet when we're trapped together in that small space, I find they so often open up about the things that are going on in their lives. And miraculously, these moments for the most part, are devoid of the usual adolescent indifference and belligerence that so often defines my days.
It was during these times in the car that First-Born Son confided his girl-troubles, and Daughter #1 shared the pressure she was feeling to get good grades for college.
But those two older kids of mine have been driving on their own for a long time now. These days, it's a lot harder to coax them into meaningful conversation or get them to sit in the same place with me for 20 minutes at a time.
Daughter #2, however, is still dependent on me to be her wheels. So I must remember, this next year as I drive her here, there, and everywhere, that these days are numbered. Just as when I used to put her to bed, I need to remind myself to relax and listen.
D #2 can be a regular Chatty Cathy while we're cruising. But too soon, like her brother and sister, she'll be getting behind the wheel of her own car. And, just as it's meant to be, leaving me in the dust.
Head on over to Sprite's Keeper for more of this weeks Spins on driving.
My days as chauffeur are almost over. You would think I'd be relieved. After all, I've spent the last 20 years driving kids where they need to go, requiring that, on many occasions, I be in two or three places at the same time. And I am relieved. But still.
I've learned so much about my kids from driving them around. I was privy to conversations with their friends that I would never have heard if I was sitting in the same room. There was something about being one-to-one in the car that always offered up a wealth of unanticipated and surprisingly intimate conversation.
It's like when they were young and I was putting them to bed. It was late, I was tired. Yet it always seemed to be the time they picked to open up and share the secrets of their day: who had been mean at school; what they loved about their friends; what was really worrying them. I learned to relax and listen.
Driving them is a lot like that. I've had a long day. I need to start dinner or get ready for work. I'm tired and I still have to fold the wash and pay bills. But instead, I'm driving someone to play rehearsal or basketball practice. Or they're going to a football game or a sleepover.
Yet when we're trapped together in that small space, I find they so often open up about the things that are going on in their lives. And miraculously, these moments for the most part, are devoid of the usual adolescent indifference and belligerence that so often defines my days.
It was during these times in the car that First-Born Son confided his girl-troubles, and Daughter #1 shared the pressure she was feeling to get good grades for college.
But those two older kids of mine have been driving on their own for a long time now. These days, it's a lot harder to coax them into meaningful conversation or get them to sit in the same place with me for 20 minutes at a time.
Daughter #2, however, is still dependent on me to be her wheels. So I must remember, this next year as I drive her here, there, and everywhere, that these days are numbered. Just as when I used to put her to bed, I need to remind myself to relax and listen.
D #2 can be a regular Chatty Cathy while we're cruising. But too soon, like her brother and sister, she'll be getting behind the wheel of her own car. And, just as it's meant to be, leaving me in the dust.
Head on over to Sprite's Keeper for more of this weeks Spins on driving.
I keep trying to comment! Something went wonky with posting. Anyway, I wish Sprite was old enough to tell me more about her day than just playing with friends and the occasional "(insert little terror here) bit me", but I know the day will come soon enough when she's gabbing away about everything. Very sweet! You're linked!
Posted by: Sprite's Keeper | July 09, 2009 at 12:02 PM
My two (20 and 17) have been driving themselves and so far I had only appreciated the extra time it gave me. I forgot about this part and thank-you for helping me remember.
Posted by: Pseudo | July 09, 2009 at 12:28 PM
With boys in particular. You can sit next to them and they can talk to you without noticing they are divulging...
Posted by: LPC | July 09, 2009 at 02:30 PM
In a way, I'm looking forward to The Young One being able to drive himself. In some way, I so am not. This is one of the reasons I'm not.
And the high insurance premiums.
Posted by: Jan | July 09, 2009 at 03:40 PM
You are so very right! My youngest got her license a few months ago, and I never thought I'd admit it, but I kind of miss the one on one time. . .
Posted by: lizspin | July 09, 2009 at 04:48 PM
Meg's always cracking us up in the car! I can but I can't wait till she's a teeny bopper telling me all about her day. lol There's so much to cherish isn't there, Meg's only 6 and there's so much stuff I miss already as she grows and changes.
Posted by: Kirsty | July 10, 2009 at 10:46 AM
I think it's because you're not looking right at each other. That's why we can open up in the car, or at bedtime. It's intimate, but not face to face. And, also, you know you won't be overheard or interrupted. Wow, I never realized this before. PB and I have some of our best conversations right before we fall asleep. I can't wait until LG can tell me more than No and Bye bye. (what's the saying, we spend the first two years teaching them to walk and talk, and the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut up?)
Great post.
Posted by: Mama Badger | July 10, 2009 at 03:13 PM
I enjoyed reading this post. All of my three sons are grown and on their own now. And you're right. Those days are/were bittersweet. You should treasure them.
Posted by: Ginger | July 11, 2009 at 08:46 AM