Incorrectly Politically Correct

 

My son's 5th grade teacher thought he was gay. I wouldn't have cared, so long as he, one day, made sure to give me grandchildren.

But the fact remained that my son was born loving women (see this post about him plotting to have sex in 2nd grade if you require further proof). At any given hour, there was always a girl he had a crush on.

At two-and-a-half I could barely restrain him from chasing after a four year-old cutie on the playground, crying out, "Wait, please, stop! I love you."

So it would've been funny that this teacher, let's call her Mrs. Cooper, thought he was gay, except for how sad it was.

The ex and I were well into our separation at the time, and he'd finally gotten a place where the kids could come and stay on weekends. I thought I was doing the right thing to let Mrs. Cooper know some of what was going on at home. You know, on the off-chance it might affect his behavior in school.

I'd no sooner told her the situation than she pounces. "First-Born Son said he takes riding lessons?"

"Oh yes, he loves horses," I naively tell her.

She pauses. "It can be really hard for those boys who don't like to do traditional sports."

"Oh, no," I attempt to interrupt her. "He plays soccer, basketball-"

But she's not listening. "And when there's no male role model at home."

"But he still sees his dad all the time." I keep trying. "He's very involved with him in Scouts..."

"And then there's the way he dresses." Clearly she's on a roll.

"Excuse me?"

Okay. In 2nd grade he was the only boy to part his hair on the side and gel it down like it was 1957.When he was ten he begged me to buy him a cheap black blazer once just so he could casually wear it to school . This was a public school remember, no uniforms; I'm pretty sure clean underwear didn't qualify as a requirement.

"Well, those turtlenecks and sweatpants aren't exactly what the other boys are wearing." I can tell she actually believes she's being kind. That she's the only one who truly understands my pitiful gay son, and perhaps she can at least get me to buy him cool "Boy Clothes" and save him from complete 5th grade social failure.

Have I mentioned how popular he was? And happy? And how, even though I knew these things, after talking with her, I still stood outside at pickup time counting how many other boys were wearing turtlenecks and sweatpants (for the record, plenty)?

It was like she was on some mission, and couldn't hear any of the words I was actually saying.

So I gave up. I thought about having a chat with the principal, but really, what would it have accomplished? At least she believed she was looking out for him, right?

I always thought it was a shame, though, that she never saw who he really was. She'd probably be disappointed today by how much he loves football and by his string of serious girlfriends.

But maybe not. He's still quirky about fashion. And there was that powder-pink tux he insisted on wearing to the prom.

In your face, Mrs. Cooper!

God, I love that kid.

Comments

[lizspin]

Isn't it amazing how - years later - you're still dying to get her back??? We are like Momma Bears looking after our young, aren't we???

[Gloria Carrington-Ferrira]

. . . and God, I loved your posting Maureen, another classy piece that was a joy to read and the end part, had me cracking up!

What would it matter anyway, gay or not, he would still be your son, right and you'd love him just the same, right?

Have a great weekend Maureen . . and more, please!!

[Jen on the Edge]

What an odd thing for her to think.

[Joanie M]

Kind of scary, how obsessed she seemed about your son. I bet she watched for every little thing he did to confirm her suspicions. That lady needs a life. I wonder who she's going after this year?

[Arwen]

Ha. It's funny what happens when we try to "help" other people with things only we can see.

Your boy sounds like a really fun kid.

[Sandi]

I have two brothers, one who is adopted and one who is biological. My mother NEVER told the teachers my one brother was adopted because she KNEW they would make all sorts of assumptions.

[Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt]

Glad your son appears comfortable in his own skin. Pink tux and all.

Screw her....

[LPC]

I just hope he still HAS the pink tux. Make him quite the hipster out there these days.

[Jan]

My kids godfather is gay - they've grown up with absolutely no prejudices about a person's sexual preference whatsoever.

The Young One spends about 5 - 6 weeks of his summer vacation with his father in TX; he's now gotten to the age where he's bored stiff while he's there (it certainly doesn't hurt that his father is determined that our 14-year-old son is still 5). Forbidden to get on a computer, he completely sneaked under his father's over-protective radar and enabled the internet on his PSP. Naturally his dad found out eventually, confiscated the device and searched the browsing history on it, where he found a single piece of hentai (Japanese anime porn) sent to The Young One by a friend who, yes, is gay.

That day, I got a completely hysterical email from his father which, among other things, expressed his horror that our son "might be gay."

My reply consisted of "So what if he is? Would that change what a great person he is? Would that make him any less our son?"

I guess he missed the fact that after he confiscated the PSP, The Young One spent the remainder of the summer texting on his phone - to a girl he likes. *rolls eyes*

[Pseudo]

I call my very straight hubby "straight queer with the queer eye." He is always more picky about clothes and our home design than I am, but he is all hetero all the way.

[Ocean Girl]

I would punch her in the face. (Too violent for a femme fatale?)

[Kathryn]

Geez. What was her problem? I mean...give it a rest, lady. I'm wondering just how many moms she had the same discussion with. You could form a posse and track her down. Heaven knows how many moms she made crazy...

[Braja]

Wait a minute......she WHAT?? I'd be slapping her. What the hell kinda "teacher" is that? There's too much to say, I'm quittin' :)

[Jane]

Not that there's anything WRONG with that....oh my! You showed beautiful restraint, smiling and nodding and letting her think what she thought. Too bad she missed out on the beautiful soul your son truly is.

[Belle]

Wow, totally not her place even if he was gay!!! Pink tux sounds fabulous... :)

[Casey]

Wow, where does she get off saying anything like that? And who cares if he WAS gay? We always say we'd be happy to hear that our kids are gay, as long as they're not Republicans.

Err.. sorry if that was offensive but it makes us laugh!