Men I Have Dated

 

Karma

Were you ever tempted, in your deep dark past, to blow off a guy you didn't want to date by telling him "Sorry, I have to wash my hair?"

I never did. Although, if we're being honest, there's that time I hid in the closet while my college roommate told a guy I was supposed to go out with that I'd gone home for the weekend.

Okay, and I may have once disconnected my phone for three weeks so I wouldn't have to talk to a guy I no longer wanted to date.

I know, these were crappy things to do, but I was young and stupid. Besides, these acts of immaturity did nothing but buy me a little time anyway, although I certainly couldn't have gotten away with stunts like that today.

I did feel bad though. I knew I should've just told those guys it wasn't working for me. I'm much better at that sort of thing now, not that I date all that often. But if I do, and I'm not feeling it, I just want to get it over with as quickly as possible.

But Karma is a patient entity, and willing to bide its time.

Several years ago I dated a fisherman. Let's just say he harpooned whales. He didn't and it's probably even illegal here, but it makes me feel better just writing it.

I asked him out, which was my first mistake. But he could've said no, right? You'd think someone who spears whales for a living would have no problem saying "Nope, sorry, not interested" to a woman, wouldn't you?

But he said yes, and we met for drinks and dinner. I thought we had a nice time. We spent hours talking. But what do I know?

At the end of the night we made plans to go out again the following week. He was supposed to call with the details.

Of course, that never happened.

At the time I was pretty new to this dating-as-a-single-woman-over-forty thing, so I decided I wouldn't sit around waiting for him to call. Instead, I'd take the bull by the horns and assert control over my life.

Thus I called him and asked if we were still on for our date.

"Uh, I'm not sure that's gonna work," he stammered (stammering is never a good sign). "I've got to clean my boat." 

There was a long silence. I was pretty sure I heard him take off his shoe to stick his big, smelly, whale-killing foot in his mouth.

"You have to clean your boat?" I really enjoyed repeating his words back to him. So he could more clearly hear how inordinately asinine they truly sounded.

"Yeah, it's really dirty." He sounded defensive now, and a little angry. "Friday's the only night I can do it."

"Well, you have a nice time then." I hung up and put him out of his misery.

And then I laughed. Because his pitiful excuse was at least better than hiding in the closet or disconnecting the phone, even if he was well over 40 years old.

Payback's a bitch, ain't it?

Comments

[Jan]

LMAO - he had to clean his boat?? I think we all do things like hide in the closet or refuse to answer the phone to avoid someone when we're young; it's all part and parcel of learning social skills. And telling someone kindly that you're not interested is definitely a social skill. But a man who is over 40 basically giving you the equivalent of "I can't go out because I need to paint my toenails" is just funny. And kinda sad. It's good you could laugh about it.

I dated a guy once who was basically a coward and would do the whole avoidance thing to break up with a girl - in his mid 30s! We dated for 6 months when he just stopped calling and stopped answering his phone. After two weeks I sent him an email saying "Well, I guess this means we're not dating anymore. If you're going to chicken out like this for the rest of your life, may I suggest you avoid women with children from here on out?"

[Casey]

Heheheheh, that was a pretty weak excuse. Good for you for making him suffer a bit.

I've pulled the not so nice rejection bit before but I think with age and (hopefully) maturity, I'd be able to tell the truth and let them down easy if I ever found myself dating again.

[Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt]

Ah, Karma.

Probably better anyway. Can you say Stinky? ;)

[lisleman]

gotta love a man with a clean boat.

I enjoyed the laugh. There's no sense in dragging it on.

[Pseudo]

Oh good lord. Clean the boat....

I think I'd be awful at dating again....

[LPC]

Way to go Jan. BTW, Maureen, if you ever watch NCIS, you will notice that the Mark Harmon character actually goes and BUILDS a boat to get out of things. Overkill, wouldn't you say?

[Sprite's Keeper]

Clean his boat? At least it tied in with his lifestyle. Imagine if he didn't have a boat.
Good for you letting that fish go. Catches like that tend to smell pretty quickly. :-)

[class factotum]

Oh good grief! What a loser! You deserve better.

I once dated (if you can call that) an Older Man who called me from his trips to Japan and New Zealand and sent me long emails and letters and was Mr Hot and Heavy.

Then I made The Mistake -- and I think you know what I mean here -- and he never called again. I finally called because I was worried he was dead or something.

He wasn't.

What was so pathetic about the whole thing was that he was a former Marine (Army?) who jumped out of airplanes behind enemy lines in Vietnam -- but he couldn't send me a simple email saying, "This isn't going to work."

[Erin]

This post makes me think I could have been nicer and probably missed some cool opportunities for saying no.
Also grateful that I am not dating now. I don't think I'd be very good at it.
Fun post, Maureen. (Apologies if I am double commenting - google reader is acting funny).

[lizspin]

Oh good, I thought you were going to turn him away and he ended up living in that big house. . .

[Ocean Girl]

These dating scenes sound exciting. They are like a filter system. I can feel the excitement of the dreams of finding your man.

[kathryn]

Oh, God....please don't tell me this is in my future....I'm remembering being REALLY stupid!
Can't I just bake Karma some brownies and be
even??

[Twenty Four At Heart]

I used to be terrible about putting off the inevitable. I think it's part of being young. It seems so easy now to just say, "Sorry, not interested." Of course, I've been married for a zillion years so maybe I'm kidding myself.

[Kimberly]

Oh, yes it is. No matter how old you are, the "I'm not really interested," is so hard to say even though it's so much better than leading someone on.