Parenting Commandments

 

 

 

Jail Bait

When I was young (25, 18, maybe even at 7), I was sure I knew everything I could possibly need to know about parenting. Seriously.

However I've now been a parent long enough for that Miss-Smarty-Pants attitude to come back and bite me in the butt.

These were my rules. I've had many, but these are the ones I'm referring to; they were written in stone not unlike the ones Moses might have used:

            Thou shalt not date until tho art 15.

            And when thou dost date, thou shall not date persons that art

            too old for thee.

            Thou shalt not date seniors when thou art a freshman.

            Thou shalt not date in cars until thou art 16.

Reasonable, right?

First-Born Son and Daughter #1 had no problem with this. There may have been some of that ridiculous "Going Out" crap in middle school that never actually involves dating, as well as the ever-popular "a bunch of us are going to the movies" type of Group Date. I allowed these to fly just barely under the radar. I am nothing if not a benevolent dictator.

But last May, just days before her 15th birthday, Daughter #2 got her first real boyfriend. Not just any boyfriend, mind you. No, this "boy" was weeks shy of 18, a high school senior. And yes, he drove. A car. It may have been a clunky battered old station wagon, but it was still a car if you know what I mean.

She swore she was going to tell me. But D #1 arrived home from school first and announced, "Maybe you need to ask your other daughter why she was seen holding hands with (insert name of evil boy-villain here) in Assembly today."

Her tone clearly implied I needed to step up my parenting game. "You didn't have this problem with me," she gloated. Of course not. She was too busy studying, smart girl.

"Your father and I will discuss this," I told D #2 when she finally confessed. Which basically meant I would inform my ex and he'd say, "So what are You gonna do now?"

In the end I caved. I mean, it's not like she couldn't sneak and meet him at her friends' houses or the movies or wherever, anyway. That's what I would've done.

Besides, I merely had to wait it out till he left the island for college (and am I ever grateful for that ocean in between), when they would no doubt do that whole friendly break-up scene. Which they did.

In the meantime she had a strict curfew, and I drove her at least one way whenever they went out. And, despite the eye-rolling, I lectured her yet again about waiting to have sex.

My mother disapproved. Noisily. She obviously thought I was a better, stronger mother than I am.

But she underestimated my secret weapon. There is nothing more dangerous than an over-protective, 21 year-old, older brother. An older brother who was not afraid to show up unannounced in the most unexpected places.

Let's just say he had it covered.

But now he's back at school. Apparently he values his education over his sister's virtue. And, although "the boyfriend" is gone, I've got a sneaking suspicion that there may be others before long. Like tomorrow.

Well, she is 15. Which leads to 16...

I guess I'm on my own. Any suggestions?

Please?

Comments

[Jan]

Good heavens, don't ask me - I was a complete and miserable failure at keeping my strong-minded and rebellious daughter in line as a teenager, especially when it came to the whole boyfriend/dating thing. All I can say is that the threats and lectures and nagging must have sunk in, because I never found myself at an abortion clinic or dealing with any STDs.

What's really funny is that Oldest Son never dated anyone seriously until he was nearly 20, and The Young One (14) will not allow himself to be talked into asking the girl he likes to the movies. He's either really nervous about the asking, or about who'd be driving them (yeah, I'm betting on the latter, too).

[Gloria Carrington-Ferrira]

Oh! Fantastic! Every word a gem! I loved reading this post. Sorry, I don't have any pearls of wisedom to offer but I shall ponder and return if I have anything even remotely sage to offer. I'm sure tho' that you'll cope admirably!

See you again soon . . and muchas gratias for the great comments you left on my blog.

See you again soon!

[Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt]

I got nothing...

But my fingers are crossed for you.

[LPC]

Another big wad of nothing. My only daughter was too much of a study hound and teacher-friender, to say nothing of 18 hours of ballet a week, to have a boyfriend until she got to college.

[Ocean Girl]

The understood rule of the house is no dating. I have two boys, 17 and 15 and so far, I thank God, the situations for them to break the rule have not risen.

So, I got nothing too, but a lot of prayers.

[jessica]

I have to tell you, I have a girl and I am deep denial and grateful that she is six. I know this is something we all have to deal with but let's just say I'm glad I don't have to today

[Rosemary]

As I only have boys, mine are a bit different:

Thou shalt bring the young woman in question home to meet mother.

Thou shalt not occupy any bedrooms when the young woman is visiting during any hours of the day.

Thou shalt render the guest room ready for the young woman who visits from out of state.

Thou shalt cover it at all times. And she shall use back up.

[Jane]

My daughter just turned 17 and with her first "real" boyfriend. I have totally lucked out with her. She's our oldest and her nickname is "Little Victorian." We've managed to keep her a bit sheltered, but still socially acceptable - don't ask me how. Thank goodness I have just have two boys to deal with after her - but then, that just brings a whole new set of commandments to the table, huh?

[lizspin]

I am sooooooo sorry I can't help you, my friend.

You see, truth is. . . I lost that battle a long time ago!

[Erin]

Oh, I've got nothing. I am apparently failing miserably at Teenage Parenting 101. My other half has been doing ok with the 17 and 18 year old girls. One is at a decent college, and neither has had to sneak off to Planned Parenthood...

None of this shit is easy.

[foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog)]

Reading this, and knowing a handful of teen girls who belong to my friends, I'm ever more grateful I have sons! Perhaps even more so that I have an older son who hasn't yet caught up with the girls who are forever calling my house wanting to talk to him!

[Braja]

First sentence was a killer....:))

[Casey]

Reading this brought a sense of dread for me but I've got that big brother secret weapon too. And he's only 16 months older so he'll be around for most of her high school years. Phew.

You sound like you've got it covered, your kids seem to have good heads on their shoulders.

[Sandi]

I can tell you from persona experience that I was a freshman in high school and had a senior boyfriend who drove and took me to the senior prom. All I ever did with him was kiss him. Not one thing more. Eventually he dumped me for a girl who put out.

Trust that you've raised her well. My mother did and it all worked out in the end (except for the mildly broken heart, but I got over it.

[Sprite's Keeper]

No advice, just waves of fear crashing over me. I'm gonna have trouble, aren't I?

[JP]

Forgive me, sister, for I have sinned. I was the much older guy. She was 15, I was 19. We dated for a few months. I finally broke up with her because... well I was 19 and she was 15. *shrug*

Sorry. Please forgive me.

[Di]

Well, you may not like this suggestion, but I'd be sure to get my daughter on birth control. Not saying she's not a responsible young girl, but there is an older boy involved here that may or may not have ideas of his own... Just sayin'.

Di

[Joanie M]

Oh good luck with that. The birth control idea isn't such a bad idea. I told my youngest that I'd take her to the doc for BC if she wanted. All she had to do was ask. My older one took me up on it when she was a freshman in college. As a matter of fact, I posted a blog about it! Check out March 10, 2009.

I did discover, however, that 2 of my 3 kids were virgins when they started college!

[materfamilias]

Sooo glad to have these years behind me! I remember how drastically our world changed when my daughter, at 14, started having 16-year old friends who could drive. And one of the 16-year olds was a guy she claimed was just a friend, but who she obviously had a huge crush on. They were best friends through four years of high school; shortly after high school, they started dating. Would I have felt any better, those mornings he came by in his Mom's car to pick my sweet 14-year old up for high school (or worse, those Friday nights I dropped her off at a GF's, knowing he'd likely be there, with his car, if I'd known that almost 20 years later, they were still together, married now for seven years, parents to my delightful granddaughter? Did I mention life is better on this side of the parenting-adolescents line?