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« Madame Librarian | Main | Spin Cycle: Recipes »

October 19, 2009


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I think women are too judgmental of each other. We all choose a different path. And aren't we fortunate that we can! I'm reading Pillars of the Earth right now. A friend suggested it. I feel obligated to read it because she also gave me the whole Twilight series to read and I refused. I told her I wasn't into "Tween Lit". So now I've caved, and I'm reading this massive book that I would have never chosen on my own. I have to admit, I'm a little embarrassed reading it. I don't read "literature" per se, but I also don't typically read historical romances. My 24 year old cousin who has 3 children (knocked up at 18 the first time) told me last Christmas that I was "less of a woman because I had not had children". Kind, right?! My husband piped in and said he "begged to differ". Thank god for him. For some reason this comment from, let's face it, basically a child herself, really hurt my feelings. I like the term Feminist...I think I'll embrace it with you. Let's just support all things matter what that might look like.

I don't know any of the Mommy Bloggers you refer to that think the only way to raise a child is their way. But I do know several mommy bloggers. Do I like the term, IDK. I guess maybe the term is coined because the woman is gaining her identity, or holding her identity in the fact that she is a mommy that blogs. Or even more specifically in being a Mother. Period. For example I know people that refer to themselves as gay liberals or a gay conservatives. Is me knowing you're gay really relevant? To me it's not. People are people regardless.

My problem with most modern feminists is that I find them to be man haters. I have no problem with strong women that can take care of themselves. But they've got most men in this society beat down that it's hard to find a man anymore that is willing to take care of a woman should she choose to stay in the home, or simply NOT work, and even find one that will open a door for you. Call me old fashioned, or blame it on my southern roots, either way, I think some things about modern feminism have gone seriously awry.

Feminist - the new F*bomb.

Personally? I wonder why we have to put a moniker on everything, a category. Does it really matter? I suppose the names actually bring on the critisism. They sound cheesy.
I'm a mom, but I don't want to be catagorized as a mommy blogger.
Feminist? Sure. But MY definition...which is woman=strong. But still treat me like a lady, please.

I really enjoy reading "Mommy Bloggers" except when they purposely post controversial topics to get comments. I'd like to think that I respect each and every mothers decision to do what is best for their child but the hostility certain topics bring is amazaing to me. Breastfeeding, circumcision, cosleeping, topics just seem to bring out the beast in some women. I understand that we all want to feel like our choices are best but until I've walked in someone elses shoes, I just can't pass judgement. Good post Maureen.

I was always raised to believe the word "Feminist" was a strong woman who stood for the right to be treated equal. Women who feel we have just as much capability and worth as a man.

I agree with South Dakota Cowgirl. The meaning of that has changed drasticly over the decades. I believe it now means: women that think they are better than men, instead of equal.

I think you should go ahead and call youself a feminist in the spirit of what you take the word to mean to you.

Raises hand. Points to self. Feminist. Only angry when required.

I will tell you honestly that I do not like being called a mommy blogger, because that's not how I think of myself. Partly because my children are not the focus of my blog and partly because I think the term pigeonholes the bloggers too much.

"People call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat or a prostitute." -Rebecca West

And regarding "mommy blogging"... All I can say is that the subjects of one's writing have zero to do with the quality of it. Just ask Dooce, who gets hate mail regularly and cries... all the way to the bank. ;)

I, too, write about my children - who, for the most part are grown and having children of their own - from time to time, but the moniker "Mommy Blogger" seems to be reserved for women whose children still refer to them as "Mommy" - kids under, say, the age of ten, and especially toddlers. I guess if you had to pin a label on me, it would be "Midlife Blogger," a term coined by Jane Gassner of In fact, when I began blogging, I made a concerted effort to seek out others of my own age and experience in the blogosphere and many of the women I've met have rallied around Jane. You should check out the site, if you haven't already - I think you'll find it interesting.

As for the dreaded "feminist" word, I wrote a post earlier this year for the Spin Cycle about how I don't consider myself a feminist - mostly because it *has* become a dirty word (and always has been in the South, actually) - but how I am a *product* of feminism. I take a great many things for granted that women 10, 20, 30 years my senior fought for that I might be able to take them for granted. You know, it's funny - we started watching Mad Men on DVD, and when I'm not laughing (ruefully) at things like the main character, Don Draper, teaching his 6-old-daughter how to tend bar, I spend thinking, "Is this REALLY how things were in the workplace for women in 1960? No WONDER there was a feminist movement - these men are PIGS!!"

"Mommy Bloggers". Hmmm, I guess I would be one. And that's ok. I'm a mommy and I blog. I don't think of it as negative though. Here's why:

When PB realized I would be out of work for 9 weeks he was a little worried. I went a bit stir crazy when I was home with LG. But then he realized I had all my blogging friends to keep me sane. Because he thinks of me as a "mommy blogger".
As for feminist, I don't mind it. I think we should take it back. It should represent all the women like us, who stand up for eachother, and believe that we can and should be able to have anything we try hard enough to get. Women who get out there and make it happen.

As for "cougar"- it's better than what they call middle aged men who go after younger women... Creepy.

Cool post, Maureen. I agree with Jan on the Mommy Blogger term - seems to be little kids. And perhaps some mommies under that term might seem competitive, which I have no room for in my life, so I sigh and click away when I happen upon such a blog.

I also agree that Feminist=Strong.

I hate pigeon-holing and categorizing but I also find it fascinating. I have a couple of posts in draft form about labels... it may be that I should dust one off...

I would like to be feminine rather than feminist :) And I used to think blogger is a dirty word! What can I say.

Maureen, you are Vianne Rocher of Chocolat.

I think if you have to start embracing the term cougar you should start using the term "manther"...a man who dates younger women...don't they deserve a term too?

As an administrator, I've been called many things - including Feminist and other not so savory words. Quite honestly, a name never sums up the whole definition.

Hey. I posted a comment but don't see it...

It was something about me being a feminist andproud to be. Especially with my female students lining up to buy into the media and MTV's version of what it means to be female.

Well. Feminist I don't mind so much. Mommy-blogger hints at the Soccer-Mom, which I've always despised...evokes images of erratically driving women in minivans...usually blonde with acrylic nails....
Then there's "chick-flick", which I don't care one way or the other. If it's about feelings and has no blood or gore, it's a "chick flick". Whatever.

What shall we call those stupid movies that always come out with no plot, no acting and have that sorority-themed look with the guys as complete airheads? Hmmm? Let's think of a name for THOSE.

Of course I can't be a Mommy blogger and even though I am a Daddy (prefer Dad) I wouldn't call myself a Daddy blogger. Why do people have so many labels?

I do know one thing - mommy bloggers (or women bloggers) are much much better at sharing comments than men. Maybe women are truly better communicators.

I agreed with everything you said about everything. Or rather, I'm grateful someone with better writing skills were able to put how I feel into words. I don't call myself a feminist because I feel I am not worthy. Will a feminist be such an enabler in terms of fairness in the realm of child-rearing and domestic duties? Because I have chosen not to fight for the sake of keeping peace, I feel I cannot call myself a feminist, even though deep down in my heart I know what is right. I love your reclaiming the F word.

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