Canine Confession

I am about to confess something shocking: I am not crazy about my dog.

You must understand; dogs are big on the Vineyard. They’re everywhere, running on the beach, riding shotgun in passenger seats and truck-beds, waiting patiently for their owners outside stores on Main Street, or trotting by their side at the yearly summer fair.

About fourteen-thousand people live here year round, but there are two dog parks, and that’s in addition to the miles of fields, beaches, and country roads, where every day dogs can be seen blissfully frolicking, devoted owners by their side.

To admit I’m not madly in love with my dog is basically like saying I hate my mother.

Which I don’t. Hate my mother, that is. And I don’t hate my dog either. I may actually love her in some minimally affectionate, obligatory sort of way.

I walk her, feed her, take her to the vet. She has a big yard to run in, food with special additives for her joints, kids to play with, a beach nearby to run and swim. Don’t waste your time feeling sorry for her; her life’s a party.

It’s just that I expected more. That whole mythical doggie devotion, that Lassie! Timmy’s stuck in the well; go rescue him, deal.

My dog, apparently, hasn’t watched any episodes of Lassie, or read the job description for Family Pet.

When my kids throw the tennis ball, she runs right by it. When we take her to the beach to play in the waves, she retrieves the toy we throw just often enough to lull us into a false sense of security.

Then, as soon as we lob one a bit farther out, she looks at us, unconcealed distain in those big amber eyes, shaking herself off at the water’s edge, and watching with a big doggie smile as her beautiful toy washes away in the waves.

It’s not that she’s a mean dog. She likes everyone. It’s just that she’s completely indifferent. She’d take food over people any day. And she’d knock over any kid or old lady blocking her way to get where she wants to go.

I know if she became accidentally separated from our family, she’d take off with the first person who pulled out a cookie, no questions asked.

Do you remember a few years ago, when a European woman apparently passed out, and her dog, for some reason never really explained, mauled off half her face?

I harbor no illusions. If I were to lie unconscious on my floor for any length of time, my dog might wait a while, until she’d eaten all her food and the cat food, and maybe even the cats themselves (whom she generally likes, by the way). But eventually, she’d get to me.

It wouldn’t be out of spite or viciousness. It’d just be because she’s a dog.

I have this dream of getting a smaller dog one day, a dog I can take with me wherever I go. I call it the “Grandma Dog.” Together we will visit my future grandchildren, who will love and adore it as much as it loves and adores me.

So I guess I haven’t completely given up on the dog-as-devoted-companion myth. In the meantime I’ll try not to advertise too much how I feel. After all, what type of person isn’t crazy about their own dog? What am I, some weird cat lady?

Well…maybe. Okay, yes. I have five. Cats are so simple. One holds such minimal expectations; thus any small show of personality or affection is a pleasant surprise.

But I like to think I live in hope, even when it comes to my dog.

So I’ll keep throwing those tennis balls. Because one day she just might bring one back and drop it at my feet, her big eyes looking up at me with an expression that clearly says, “Go ahead, get trapped in that well if you want. I’m here. I’ve got you covered.”

You never know, right?

A girl can dream.

Comments

[SuziCate]

Your dog is indifferent? Maybe she's a cat in disguise!Love her eyes...sad dog eyes steal my heart everytime!My oldest son even learned to play the "sad Puppy look" with his big brown eyes - and he usually got his way with them!

[Jill]

I'm not a dog person either...and I have three. I love mine...I'm not crazy about anyone elses. But, mine don't drool, stink or shed (much) which was a prerequisite. One (I won't name names) tends to hump everything that moves, but other than that, they are great. My ex-husband was a hunter...we had 7 dogs...various Labs and Chesapeake Bay Retrievers...I think this ruined me on the "hunting" breeds. They weren't so much pets as they were supplies...stinky supplies.

[Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt]

I am not fond of dogs at all. I tolerate them and think they are cute when they are someone else's. I can understand your expectations just weren't met. That's okay. I like your idea of a grandma dog.

[Mama Badger]

Your dog really could be a very large cat, from the sounds of it. And since I have a cat who thinks he's a dog, I'd say it's possible. PB thinks it's funny how people expect all animals to be a certain way. As though all people are like that. Good point, I guess. Better luck with your future lap dog.

[Pseudo]

I'm with the crowd that she might be a reincarnated cat...

My dog is so devoted that he jumps on the bed at least once every night to lick my face and mkae sure I'm still breathing.

[~The South Dakota Cowgirl~]

I think you just have the wrong kind of dog. I have had several dogs in my lifetime. But my favorites are the one that I had to put to rest last year and the papillon (or grandma dog) that I still have with me. Though he's going on 10 years old this coming year.

Texas, the dog I had to put to sleep last year was a Blackmouth Cur (part of the hound group) and was absolutely the most loyal, willing to please dog I have ever owned. He did not fetch. He did not bark. But he was intimidating to strangers, and men. Would sit on my feet, and snuggle his back into me, when I'd stand up or sit down. He would run with me, sans leash, and stay by my side until I allowed him to run off. I could have him sit from a hundred yards away. Reading up on the breed you realize that they are extremely loyal and adore women and children. I miss him dearly.

Higgins, My papillon is a good snuggler, and he goes everywhere with me. He is a great traveler. He does bark more than I'd like, but it's my fault for encouraging that type of behavior. He is really really smart, and can speak (bark) or sing (howl) and he can sit. He'd do more if I were interested in teaching him. I just have him because I wanted something small and compact to take everywhere with me. They are the funnest little dogs ever.

Ok. That was practically a blog post in and of itself.

[Twenty Four At Heart]

I think you must have accidentally gotten a dogtard. My dogs are insanely devoted to me and my kids. It's ridiculous. They are also obsessive on the whole retrieving thing, but then they are retrievers. (By the way, even retrievers have to be taught/rewarded for retrieving to fully get it.) My experience with little grandma dogs has been that they are LESS loyal and also annoying, barking, ankle biters so you might think twice or just stick to cats.

Your readers with ankle biter dogs now hate me.

[Heather]

My BF's Basset Hound also acts like a cat, so it's not uncommon.
I have had all sizes in dogs and found that I perfer the smaller ones.
I think all dogs are just as individual as people. I think training a dog to do something, it doesn't want to do, will just lead to them humoring you for a while.
I have never been as close (emotionally) to a dog as I am currently with my Chihuahua's, I would never give them up and I could never say that before about any other dog I have had.

[Jen]

I have a Bassador (basset and lab, really funny looking and stupid). He often barks while I am working upstairs, so much that I often come down to see what is going on. I often ask him if Timmy is in the well but he just looks at me with that blank stare he has perfected. If there was ever a dogtard my Stanley is one. He does not fetch, he does not play, he is afraid of the water. He barks at the mailman every day even though the mailman has met him and given him treats. He is just stupid. But he will snuggle and he lets my daughter dress him up like a flower, ballerina, turkey and whatever else she can come up with.

I hated my mother's dog which I adopted when she moved to the nursing home. The dog peed and pooped on everything and had this horrible ear problem. She and I never bonded and after a year of stepping in crap that she had left on the oriental rug (where you can never see it) I found another home for her. It was difficult to do, admitting that I didn't like her nor did I want her, but one of us had to go.

Keep throwing the tennis ball one day the light bulb might go on.

[Sprite's Keeper]

Oh, sigh.
My husband feels the same way about our beagle. He loves her in an obligatory kind of way, but not the way he loves our terrier Harry.
If dogs went to school, Harry would be the straight A student while Blue would wear the dunce cap. Seriously, we even have background music for her which goes along the lines of something like "Doh dee doh dee doh..." as she ambles on about life, completely oblivious to everything. Harry is sharp as a tack. Her mind is as round as her belly. But she takes any and all abuse that Sprite doles out, so I give her extra cuddles to make up for it.

[Mike]

I heard dog tastes pretty good.

[jessica]

darlin, I had THAT small dog you refer to and trust me after a week you would give anything to have your own back

[Jane]

Thank you for saying this outloud. I'm a dog person. I've had some really great dogs. Really great ones. But my last two? Meh. Maybe it's because we got them AFTER kids.

[Dreamfarmgirl]

I had a chocolate lab/Chesapeake Bay retriever mix (who looked kind of like your dog) and though he was as sweet as the day is long, he was pretty content to be a porch dog. Which is to say, lie around the porch all day. He didn't demand to much of us, God love him. But then we got an Australian shepherd, and he is better than Lassie. He demands love! He needs me! He is pleased as punch when I do anything with him. He begs for pets and can get all oogly-googly silly to get them. That is the kind of dog you need to be all in love with! A perfect grandma dog!

[Audrey at Barking Mad]

I'm not really a cat person...yet I have four of the darned things.

I think sometimes there's a stronger connection between certain animals and their humans. I know that's the way I have always been with my pets. Some pets I have been madly in love with and others? Not so much.

Oh and I am totally NOT a puppy person. Give me a big old dog any day but do not leave me with a puppy for more than 5 minutes. The cute stops and the annoying sets in!

[Menopausal New Mom]

Oh I loved my dog. I had a border collie for 14 years until we had to have her put down. Nothing like it, I bet that dog of yours is a lot more devoted to you than you realize! And if she ever went missing, you'd be the first one out looking for her!

[Lynn]

Testing...one..two..three.. :o)

[cristin]

I'm quite vocal about my hatred for my dog. She is very cute and well behaved and is GREAT with the kids and I can't friggin stand her...