Spin Cycle: Holiday Newsletters

 

Let me preface this by saying that I have, on occasion, sent out holiday newsletters and I may again some day in the far off future. I receive a couple each year and I'm always eager to find out what people are up to. But let's face it, some newsletters read more like an ostentatious listing of Can You Top This rather than a warm friendly note of catch-up.

This then, is my tongue-in-cheek version of how one such holiday newsletter might read. I know none of you would EVER send out anything even remotely like this...

 

To all our wonderful friends and family,

Can you believe another year has rolled by? If not for the photos of little Chloe's Yale graduation (magna cum laude of course,) and the new addition to our summer "cottage" finally being complete (see photos on other side), it wouldn't seem possible.

In this time of financial hardship for so many, we're blessed that Tim has received not one but two promotions. His Christmas bonus will just about cover next year's college tuition for the twins. Hughie, that little braniac, got into Harvard and is cruising toward clinching class valedictorian. But poor Louie is another story. He was wait-listed at Princeton and it looks like he may have to settle for either Brown or Columbia.

Baby Stewie is now president of his middle school class and captain of both his soccer and basketball teams, as well as first chair cello in the orchestra. He's raising funds for a class trip to Every-Country-in-Europe and he'd really appreciate it if you could purchase some candy or wrapping paper to show him you care (brochure enclosed).

Tim's work keeps him so busy that he's only been able to compete in three triathlons this year. His new BMW is small consolation. And Peg is her usual hectic self, running the PTA and the Junior League. But she still manages to volunteer at the hospital AND do her weekly Meals-on-Wheels deliveries. Her new organic beauty-care product-line has been a huge success (website below). You should definitely check it out!

Well, we hope everyone's had a terrific year. We're sorry we didn't get a chance to see you all, but with our Family Volunteer Vacation to rebuild New Orleans in February, and our two short weeks cruising the Virgin Islands in April, time just seems to fly by. Maybe next year...

If you're ever up this way please give us a call. Barring scheduling conflicts, we can meet for coffee or brunch at your hotel. Or maybe a drink at the airport before you leave. That will give us a chance to really catch you up on our lives!

Sincerely, The Mimi-Mee Family

 

For more heartfelt and less jaded Spins on holiday newsletters, check out Sprite's Keeper.

 

Comments

[Jan]

LMAO - that is *exactly* the type of "holiday newsletter" that makes me hate the darn things (although I think Dewey was extremely neglected in the whole thing). My post goes up tomorrow, and it will be exactly the kind of "holiday newsletter" that I'd write...if someone were to hold a gun to my head.

It won't be pretty.

[Sandi]

And that's why the holiday newsletter gets a bad rep.

[LPC]

Well, I'm glad I don't know THOSE people:). Everyone I know writes about their kids, learning differences, college shortcomings, and all...

[Lynn]

HA! So true. I usually have to boost myself up with a lot of chocolate in order to stifle the gag reflex before reading them.

We send Christmas letters, I have to say, although not every year. But we keep 'em short and somewhat original. A cartoon. An "I Spy" type photo. A word search. ANYTHING other than a long, drawn out epistle that causes us to think too hard about the things we have (not) accomplished in the past year!

'Course, I could just enclose a chocolate bar in each envelope with a horribly long letter full of make-believe, cautioning the reader to have the chocolate handy in case of sudden nausea.

[Sprite's Keeper]

Unfortunately, I DO know those people! My aunt and uncle send out the same type of tripe and make us swallow some inflated story of achievement when every time I see one of their kids, I wonder where the ace in the hole is since everyone seems to be swinging a miss. :-)
You're linked!

[Mama Badger]

Argh, I have a friend of the family who sends one just like that. Growing up, my mom mentioned each year that she wasn't sure what they saw in us, them being so wonderful and us being so ordinary. Then my dad reminded her that we were probably one of their charitable causes.

I think I'll stick to my photo cards again this year, and subject the world to a cute picture of the boys.

[Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt]

I know them too! Ah, holiday newsletters - I love to get them cause the make me laugh. That was so well done.

[Heather]

People actually send this stuff out! I had never heard of a newsletter, I hope I never get one like that.

[jessica]

I can twenty people off the top of my head that would have pretty much written exactly this.

[Jane]

Too funny! We have former neighbors that send a note like this every year. Did you steal their copy? On particularly eventful years (new adoption or birth) I HAVE been guilty of sending one out - but mostly because I was too lazy to send out birth/adoption notices and I needed a discreet way of explaining the new baby in the holiday photo. Great post!

[Joanie M]

I have an ex-sister-in-law who does this every year. I somehow managed to piss her off on Facebook, so maybe I won't be subjected to it any more.

[Picture Imperfect]

BWAAHahahaha... the Mimi-Mee family; I LOVE it!

There are some people in our family who do an annual newsletter but they are always interesting and definitely not of the pretentious variety. I have never been a fan of mass-mailing... it's VERY hard to keep it personal and not wind up in the trap above.

I go the extreme other direction... and don't talk to most of my family more than once or twice every couple of years! We're not estranged (for the most part) or anything, we just don't really talk much!

[debbie]

I am loving this! Actually, we have a family we get a newsletter from that isn't too far off from this one.

[www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1523593445]

Sounds like the ones my husband's entire family sends every year! Yours made me laugh. Theirs make me turn into the Hulk.

[Joan]

Hys - teri - cal. LOL.

[Twenty Four At Heart]

Tim ONLY has a beemer? The shame! The money town kids are driving maseratis. (Mind you ... not MY kids!) In truth, this letter isn't nearly as obnoxious as what we receive each year from SIL. I would publish hers on 24, but I'd be disowned.

[cristin]

Hyfreakingsterical!!! Love the names you gave everyone... Well Done!

[Erin]

Yep. We have family who used to send this letter. It was a highlight of the season.
Nicely done, Maureen!!

[Brenda]

Mimi-MEE! Incredible (and, sadly, incredibly true).

Love this post--except that it reminded me of a similar letter we got a few years back that included a big fat paragraph about how Dad/Hubby got fired and couldn't find a job and was, basically, the Family Loser. Now that was a twist on this old classic.

[~The South Dakota Cowgirl~]

that was hilarious.

i am debating about sending something out this year. i'm kinda sorta waiting for zach to pop the question before i do. who knows when that will happen. it will happen when he's ready i suppose.

in the meantime, i may just send xmas cards...

[Kimberly]

Bwaa Haaa Haaa! That is so funny and, unfortunately, not a lot different than some of the newsletters I have received.
Great post!