Transitioning...

I kept the key to my old NJ house on my key chain for eight years after I moved to Martha's Vineyard.

I've said it before: I'm not good with transitions.

Oh, I'm a big girl now. I manage. I just need a little time for internal processing.

There is artwork on various walls in my house that my kids made in school years ago. I like knowing it's there.

Since last June I've kept a decoration from Daughter #1's high school graduation party on the mantel. After she left for college I enjoyed looking at it even more. It reminded me of a safer past, when she was still living at home, secure under my watchful eye.

I finally banished it before she arrived for Thanksgiving. But only because I knew she would mock me.

2010 is upon us and every TV channel seems to be hosting a retrospective, looking back on this, the first decade of a still sparkling new millennium.

Is it really ten years since we partied "like it's 1999?" I still possess my very tacky and beloved 2000 glasses from that celebration. Can it already be time to ring in a new decade?

When your kids have one-and-a-half feet out the door and you're at this midpoint in life, some days every breath you take seems to be a transition of some sort. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically.

I'm trying to give myself a break. Requiring a few extra moments to ruminate before moving on isn't always a bad thing.

On the window sill above my kitchen sink is a small heart-shaped vase. In it are the very dried remains of the last few asters I snipped from my garden in October before the frost.

Their presence is a gesture, a tangible reminder of what, after a long gray winter, will inevitably return.

I may just keep them there until I cut my first bunch of daffodils. Or perhaps I'll toss them tomorrow.

But today, I like knowing they're there.

 

Enjoy your New Year's celebrations everyone! See you here in 2010.

 

 

Comments

[SuziCate]

I love this post...I so feel what you're saying. I have a diificult time with change, even good ones. I am so comfortable just to remain, yep right where things are all snuggly and warm...but hey, there's a great big world out there just waiting...I'd better get my clothes on and hop out the door!

[PinesLakeRedhead]

There's nothing wrong with tangible reminders of our lives. I took rocks from a rockwall that lined the driveway of my house in NJ and now the rocks are in my flowerbed in FL. I still have each of the boys' first pair of shoes and even the respective onesies that they wore home from the hospital. I didn't bother with baby books. I keep what's meaningful and important to me.

Btw, I have a hard time with transitions too. But I am getting better. Sort of.

Happy New Year!

[Vincent]

Yes, a lovely post indeed.

I have no kids myself, so cannot grasp the loss you are feeling.

[Michele]

I tell my Husband and kids that those long spent flowers, children's artwork, and assorted minutia of life is all part of my decorating style. Hate change? Much!

[Jane]

Beautiful post! I've tried and tried to be retrospective, evaluate and savor this past year. But it went by in such a blur that I can't. I'm not much for resolutions but this new year I resolve to be more present so I have something to be retrospective about come next December~

[Jan]

Well, look at it this way - we won't be *technically* ushering in a new decade until 2011, so you have another year to reminisce. ;)

I learned a long time ago to let go of material things. I had to, or I'd never have survived my divorce; the only things I took out of that were my kids and the ex's debt. As for transitioning, it depends on what I'm transitioning from - last year into this year? Not a problem, since there's so much to look forward to. Transitioning from Texas to Ohio, however, took me four years. And I'm not sure I'll ever be completely done.

[Casey]

So true, it's nice holding onto little mementos from the past to remind us of safer times. Here's hoping we all have a happy new decade! :)

[Picture Imperfect]

I love the 2000 glasses! I have a pair myself. ;o)

You know, I am very happy to hear that you are trying to give yourself a break. With your kids on their way out of the nest, you are in a HUGE transition period and I don't think anyone could rightly blame you for taking your time adjusting.

Think about it this way... if you rush yourself and complete the transition before you're ready... you might just go batty, forget your name, and have to start all over again... which means taking this WHOLE transition over again. If you take your time and make sure you're ready to move on to the next stage, you'll have a stronger foundation built and you can just carry on with the help of only a few glasses of wine (a day) and your noise-cancelling headphones. ;o)

[Ocean Girl]

“Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson (American Poet, Lecturer and Essayist, 1803-1882)

[Joan]

Hi Maureen - holding on to some of the past is often the 'key' to the future. Since we just moved a few months ago after being in the same house for 34 years there were lots of things I needed to let go. The things that were marginal I took digital pictures of... now they're with me in a less cluttery way.. lol.
I feel stronger, more focused and empowered since we moved. It surprised me since for years I declared to everyone that I would NEVER leave that house. But that's the thing, it's only a house...the memories have all come with us and are now here.
Happy new year to you and your family on my favorite place in the universe. Wish I were there to welcome in 2010 with its newness and future possibilites.

[Diane]

very comforting essay. With my mind misplacing memories along with my car keys, it is nice to have little trinkets and mementos to trigger those sweet reflections of love and happiness. Just mere shadows of yesterday, even if yesterday was 2 years ago.

[Mama Badger]

Beautifully said. I agree completely. I send my "holiday" packages in January so that people can hold on to the holidays a little longer.

If you get a chance, head over to Sprite's Keeper. I got to guest post today, and you inspired my post. Yes, you are a muse to my posting.

To another year of good blogging. Happy New Year!

[LPC]

I like the photo. And the wistfulness seems to come with the decades. Violins over trumpets, no?

[Erin]

Love this post.
Life is all about change, isn't it? If you're not changing...ack, your dead. It's still not easy.
I have been through a lot of major major transitions, and I like to hold on to the little reminders of each chapter.
:-) Happy New Year, Maureen!

[kathryn]

Lovely post as usual, Maureen. I'd just remarked to someone today that it's interesting how we need the calendar to tell us to reminisce...or to consider a new beginning.

I'm personally not all that sorry to see 2009 go...and I'm determined that '10 will be so. much. better.

Happy New Year, sweetie! Have one on me...just put it on my tab!

[~The South Dakota Cowgirl~]

Have a happy safe new year! I like hanging on to things from the past. You're not alone in that regard!

[jessica]

I admit, having Phoebe around makes life a bit easier with all the changes I've been dealing with. She is my one constant. Happy New Year and here's to a fantastice 2010

[Twenty Four At Heart]

Happy New Year!!

[vodkamom]

lovely.

Happy New Year my friend!! oxoxoxo

[Erin@TheLocalsLoveIt]

Beautiful post Maureen.

Have a wonderful New Year!

[Pseudo]

Time travels in such concrete patterns once one has children...

Wishing you all the best in 2010 Maureen ; - )

[Heather]

I find it hard to completely jump into something new. Every year is something new, but I think it is fine to sit back and reflect on things past and even to hold on to momentos.

See ya next year!

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

This is a time of such change--I can see holding on to some things--a little grownup security blanket.

Happy 2010!

[Menopausal New Mom]

I have a terrible time letting go of little mementos, I would leave those flowers until I could replace them with something fresh and bright! Hope you have a wonderful new year!

[Ginger]

As you know, I've been dealing with a lot of change the last few months and I don't handle it well either. Having the kids leave the nest is really much harder than I ever would have imagined. Happy New Year to you, my friend. I think we can do this if we lean on each other.

[BumbleVee]

Happy New Year Maureen....

I'm fairly new to your blog, but love to come over for a good read and a laugh... all the best for the new year....

...and never mind about how you transition or how long it takes to do it....
I liken it to how many squares of toilet paper to use... it depends .... on a lot of uhm,.... things......

[Lisa]

I am perfectly awful at transitioning too. I don't handle it well at all. When I moved in with my husband I felt like my world was turned upside down for months...even though I was only an hour from where I had grown up and my family. I still find myself down there every weekend. Apparently I really don't transition well. Glad the hubby likes my family! :-)

[Joanie M]

I am not looking forward to transitioning from this house, where I've lived for 20 years to something smaller. At the same time, smaller would be so nice, since i basically live in 5 rooms of this house and I have 11 rooms... too many for just me. What I'm not looking forward to is the actual packing up and moving all this crap I've accumulated!

[Gropius]

It's strange. I waver back and forth between wanting to be more retrospective and wanting to move on before I get caught in moments that shall never return. It is usually a positive (and sometimes moving) experience to observe how far you've come, whether through a personal struggle, professionally, or whatever. I find myself caught in thinking of "times that will never return," even knowing that good lies ahead. One of those enduring questions that mostly resides with women I think... Happy New Year!

[Gretchen]

I wish I could be as thoughtful and introspective as you about transitions. I'm afraid that my answer to transition-fear is to just dive in headfirst/damn the torpedos/come hell or high water. Which gets me in trouble. I think a slow and contemplative transition would certainly be more prudent. And less likely for me to bump my head.

[Lynn]

A sweet post, Maureen. It really encapsulates the wistful feeling that I feel at the end of a year. I like your asters, just like I like hanging herbs in the kitchen long after the garden is asleep. It reminds me that it will wake up and be beautiful again, if I just hold out for it.

[Beth]

You so eloquently explain why I keep certain relics of the past. While change often takes me out of my comfort zone, I love holding on to what I once knew.

And I really understand what you are saying about the kids. They've been far more comfortable about leaving than I have been with them actually doing so. I guess it is always that way.

Happy New Year!

[Constructive Attitude]

I'm not very good with transitions either.

[lisleman]

Keep those glasses. They will be collector items someday. I have a box of old cards I've gotten for Birthdays and Father's Days. Some things don't make sense to anyone but yourself. Change makes us want to save the past but everyone must find some balance because the past can latch on and make our advance into the future difficult.

thanks for sharing a comment over at my blog.

[San Diego Momma]

Lovely. I know of what you speak intimately. Seems so much of today's media pushes us to "ring in the new," and "dispose of the old," but there is so much of the "old" I want to keep around. It enriches me.

(Not in the Hoarders sense.)

(Not yet anyway.)

(Just kidding.)

(Sorta.)