Introducing...My New Neighbor

 

While I recover from my surgery, I am delighted to host Kristen from Motherese today as my very first guest-poster ever, and part of the Won't You Be My Neighbor series at The Never-True Tales.

 

Kristen's blog was a rather recent find for me, but she very quickly became one of my favorites. A former teacher and the mother of two young sons, her writing is witty, intelligent, and straight from the heart. If you don't already know her, you should. Enjoy!

 

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When was the last time you received a letter in the mail? A good, old-fashioned, honest-to-goodness, hand-written letter? Not just a birthday card, with a short personal message scribbled on it. Or a "We need to catch up soon!" jotted at the bottom of a canned Christmas letter. A letter - on gossamer onion-skin stationery or heavy card-stock?

 

When was the last time you wrote one?

 

I just finished reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, a lovely novel written almost entirely in letters. In the book, a young London author begins a correspondence with the eclectic and endearing members of a wartime book club on Guernsey, one of the islands in the English Channel. Over the course of writing to these men and women, Juliet comes to see these people she's never met as true friends - so much so that she turns inward to a degree, living through her wordy relationships rather than those with the people surrounding her.

 

And if you read their letters to her - and hers to them - you begin to understand why. Full of humor, insight, and compassion, the letters create a picture of life on Guernsey during the Second World War, a time during which books and conversation were the only creature comforts available to the occupied islanders.

 

In a letter to her editor when she finally makes her way to visit her friends on Guernsey, Juliet writes:

As the mail boat lurched into the harbor, I saw St. Peter Port rising up from the sea on terraces, with a church on the top like a cake decoration, and I realized that my heart was galloping. As much as I tried to persuade myself it was the thrill of the scenery, I knew better. All those people I've come to know and even love a little, waiting to see - me. And I, without any paper hide behind.

Reading these beautiful letters made me lament that we seem to have moved away from letter writing as a culture. We e-mail, we text, we tweet. We focus on efficiency rather than profundity. And how much less personal does a message seem when you can't feel the indentations in the paper from the pressure of the pen, can't see the smudges of the ink? Or when the author abbreviates her words? Are our words really worth so little that we can't take the time to spell them out? JMHO

 

But then, just as nostalgia for the days of pen and paper threatened to convert me to a complete Luddite, it occurred to me: I write letters everyday. I write about my feelings. I write about the people and events that matter to me. I think about the words I choose. I share pieces of myself.

 

I blog.

 

In a letter to Juliet, the Guernsey literary society's matriarch writes, "Excuse my unburdening myself. My worries travel about my head on their well-worn path, and it is a relief to put them on paper." This internalization of worry is a sensation that is familiar to me - as is the sweet satisfaction that comes from putting my thoughts down on screen.

 

Moreover, the community that I have found here in the blogosphere rivals the camaraderie of Juliet and her correspondents. About them and her experience in writing to them, Juliet notes:

The truth is, I am living more in Guernsey than I am in London at the moment - I pretend work with one ear cocked for the sound of the post dropping in the box, and when I hear it, I scramble down the stairs, breathless for the next piece of the story. This must be how people felt when they gathered around the publisher's door to seize the latest installment of David Copperfield as it came off the printing press.

Like Juliet and her letters, I look forward to the posts and comments of the men and women I have found online. I check my e-mail eager to read a comment from one of them. I open my Google Reader ready to devour one of their posts - one of their letters to me. My mind percolates with ideas for new posts of my own - my letters to them. Although I have only been blogging for a few months, I think of them as friends. They know me. I know them.

 

In the end, though, I am left wondering: if we spend too much time living in these virtureal communities (thanks to Aidan at Ivy League Insecurities for that great term) - in the words we exchange with these friends on paper or on-screen - are we missing out on the life happening around us?

 

Juliet wonders too:

[I]n these past two or three years, I have become better at writing than living...On the page, I'm perfectly charming, but that's just a trick I learned. It has nothing to do with me. At least, that's what I was thinking as the mail boat came toward the pier.

Writing letters - or blog posts - may be a salve for the growing trend toward impersonality in our communication, but can writing ever replace the intimacy and immediacy of an in-person encounter? By elevating blogging in this way, am I just trying to justify my focus on a screen rather than on the people and events around me?
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Thank you, Maureen, for the opportunity to post here today. I am grateful for the chance to expand my community of pen pals. I hope your readers will consider reading some more of my letters at Motherese and sending me some of their own.

 

IslandRoar community, what do you think? Are blogs the letters of the 21st century? Does our dedication to our online community threaten our relationships with our real-time one?

 

Comments

[SuziCate]

I do think blogs have taken over as the letters of the 21st century. And what friends we've found in blogoshere!

[Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities]

Great post stuffed with questions about the evolution of communication and the implications this evolution has on who we are - personally and collectively. I do think that modern-day blogging is in many ways a contemporary form of letter-writing where the writer and recipient are less fully known.

What strikes me most is your question about whether undue focus on the screen results in inadequate focus on life. As you know, this is a question I ponder literally all the time. On the one time, I very much consider this - *this* typing and thinking and communicating - to be part of life, but then I step away into a life of skies and people and I am not so sure.

Wonderful post, Kristen.

Maureen - Hope you have a speedy recovery and come back soon!

[Christine LaRocque (LiteMochaMom)]

Thoughtprovoking post, one that I ask myself often as I continue to create relationships via my own blog, the blogs of others and on Twitter. Each time I make my virtual friends a priority I ask myself two things: Is this real? Should I just pick up a phone and call a friend? And then I am reminded of what these networks have become for me. They are an escape, an outlet from my everyday on days when there is no other escape. After the birth of my first son I sought out "baby groups," was active doing things with him outside the home. However, I made no real, lasting friendships that way. I'm just finishing up my second maternity leave. This time around I mostly stayed in (outside of going place with my kids, like parks, museums and for walks). I didn't get involved in "baby groups," my blog became my outlet for discussing issues I was facing and Twitter became my baby group. It worked better, I could do it on my own time when it was convenient as opposed to the schedule of others. All this to say, I don't think it's worse than how we did things before, I just think it's different. And that's okay.

[Nicki]

I still write letters - though much shorter than I use to - and still blog. Why both? Probably for the same reason I am hesitant to get an e-book reader, I like paper and ink. I do think that blogs are more like letters of the past for the majority of us and I try to not let that be the case. But, I am not sure I can live without my online friends. Many have become real life friends.

[TheKitchenWitch]

Hope you are recovering speedily, Maureen!

Great post, Kristen! I ask myself this as well, and actually did so yesterday, when I spent almost the entire day away from home, computer, blog. I am one of the last few people who don't have an I Phone/Crackberry, too.

I found myself missing my virtureal friends so much! I look so forward to checking in with them and finding out what they're up to and thinking.

I am painfully shy, so I don't have very many "real-life" friends. I've had more success finding like-minded, funny, caring people in the Blogosphere. It may be odd to feel closer to virtureal people, but I'm grateful for it.

[Julie]

I started using my blog to replace letters when my Father was dying. I went back to Martha's Vineyard to care for him, and ended up being there for months. The blog became my connection to distant friends and family, since I was overwhelmed with Hospice caregiving..Phone calls were too difficult, no time for individual letters, so late at night, with the laptop on my knees in bed, I would write posts that chronicled the Journey and kept people informed.
The tricky part of blogging though, is when I feel like I have to edit myself. With letters or a journal it is possible to be completely honest or savage or sarcastic.
I picture certain relatives reading, and stopped myself. I also left out the parts describing the gothic bad behavior of my family members, even though that was a very human and real part of the story. My question is: What is the line between journalling and blogging? When are we responsible to our audience to be truthful and when are we telling too much?
That said: I cherish the letters I received during the Hospice summer. They were a lifeline to a world I had left behind, and provided much needed encouragement and support.

[BigLittleWolf]

I still write letters. Fewer, but I still do so. By hand, on nice stationery. I love it.

I also write to friends (long-distance) via email, and sometimes explicitly write letter-format blog posts. My (usual) blogging style is intended to be more journalistic than journaling, though that's a fine line and a subjective one. Still, in an impersonal world, internet communities are nonetheless communities, and we wish to "speak" to them at times in more personal ways than others.

Yet the letter - the pen set to paper, the act of it, the tangible and fragile missive from an old friend or a loved one - that is to be cherished.

The online world doesn't provide that. Not for me.

[Mama Badger]

I still write letters by hand, too. True, far fewer than I did when I was younger. There is something to be said about the feeling of a letter in the mail.

I think how the virtureal community has effected you depends on your personality. I have a policy to limit my time on-line to when there isn't someone real I "should" be communicating with. No blogging when I'm around friends or family. But it's provided a great opportunity to meet new people that I otherwise would never have found. It's give and take, I guess.

[Elizabeth]

Kristen, letter writing is a HUGE part of my life. I'm sure you know that, before we started blogging, Anne and I developed our friendship nearly entirely over written correspondence. I wrote a post about my important relationship to letter writing last summer; you might be interested in it.

http://www.lifeinpencil.com/wp/2009/08/20/skittles-and-stationary/

[Bumby Scott]

Hello Bumby here, I try to write at least one hand written letter a week. I enjoy the feel of, the sight of, and smell of ink on paper. My favorite pen at this moment is a Parker fountain pen. I enjoy the process and it does help to keep my hand-writing legible. Even when I sit down to write my posts, I hand write them first.It's just what works for me.

Always Bumby

[Diane]

the 2 similarities between letter writing and blogging is the narrative freedom of the writer's voice. however in the letter, the message is directed, personal, confidential. In the blog, the message is available for public consumption, with portions shielded or camoflaged. Not exactly the same. But perhaps close enough for the 21st century. It is a shame that we no longer have the artifacts of letters for the historians of the future to piece together our personal thoughts, and not those that we regurgitate.

I rarely write a letter, unless it is a thank you letter or a love note. And I rarely receive one.

A truly thought provoking and enjoyable essay today - thank you!

[Terry]

I love to write letters but I am miserable at buying stamps and actually mailing them. There is something wonderful about ink and paper stock that I do miss--but the satisfaction of sending my new-age letter via e-mail is a blessing for me.

Here's my fear. Will books, like letters become extinct? Are the e-readers our future? I love books, the feel of a hard cover, the texture of the page, the print selection--just like I love letter stock and wonderful pens.

[Erin]

Hi Maureen - hope you're mending well!

What a great topic - it seems like the topic of the week - I've read it on other blogs.

I do think that electronic communication is part of the evolution of relationships in general...
It's intimate and impersonal at the same time.

I realized I missed writing letters at Christmas this year... :-)

Nice to meet you, Kristen.

[Sprite's Keeper]

I'm not sure blogging could be classified as a letter in my own case. MOre of a chat and catch up over coffee since I like to tell stories more than just give the ins and outs of my day, but I can see the correlation!
Wonderful post, Kristen!

[Queen]

Perfect comparison and a lovely post! :)

[Amber]

As always, great question Kristen!

I communicated through letters only with my husband (then boyfriend) for 2 years. I loved receiving a letter from him every 2-6 weeks. It was riveting! (Seriously, I would begin to sweat whenever I saw a new, crisp envelope with his hand writing!)

At the same time, I have learned that e-mails can be just as wonderful. In the relationships I have formed on-line, I have become e-mail buddies with a few ladies. Since I rarely have time for a good phone chat (y'know, screaming kids), e-mail works for me. I don't really take short cuts with e-mail, I use long hand because that is who I am. That is how I think.

Just a silly side note, I heard on NPR recently that candy hearts will now add "Tweet Me" to their repertoire.

[PinesLakeRedhead]

I loved the novel especially because it was written in the form of letters. I remember the thrill of receive a real letter in the mailbox. I still get that thrill when the inbox on my personal email account lights up. I still write letters when the subject is personal and needs to be intimately expressed in my own handwriting.

Blogging allows me to be creative and shre my opinions all while still hiding "behind the page." Blogging has also allowed me to reconnect with old friends and make new ones - some of whom I would really like to meet in person some day.

Excellent post. Thank you!

[Heather]

I was never big on writing letters until in the 7th grade we got to chose a pen pal. I kept those letters going for about a year. I also kept a diary, but quit for many years. I wrote to my brother like once a year. Then came the internet and my brother and I have become a lot closer. I sometimes feel like the internet has changed my personal connections, but has also opened up so many more.

[Bar Mitzvahzilla]

Thanks for a fascinating post, Kristen!

I think that blogs are both better and worse than letters for various reasons. Worse for their impermanency, for their inconstancy, for their need to be updated, for the fact that you can't bury a blog away in a trunk for a hundred years, and have a great-grandchild find them. For the fact that blogspot or wordpress could go bankrupt and delete all your "letters" forever and even if you'd printed the content there'd be something missing in not seeing the blog in action and in interaction.

And I think blogs are better than letters because while being first directed to who-knows-who they end up attracting like-minded people and those people end up filling up our world with, yes, real relationships.

[~The South Dakota Cowgirl~]

This made me think, when did I last get a handwritten letter and I can tell you that it was just only a couple weeks ago- my aunt sent me a wall hanging, with a hand written note. I love writing thank you cards and sending notes to people. That said, I love to blog, and twitter and facebook, and that to me, is easier, and better, because it's faster and reaches more people with a better feedback than you'd ever get writing a letter. I suppose that's a selfish way to look at it, but idk.

[Mrsbear]

Very thoughtful and thought provoking post.

Hand written letters are rare for me, but you've prompted me to send a post card to a good friend I haven't heard from a while. Getting real mail (not bills, or ads) is always a nice treat.

I'll admit I probably share more with the blogosphere than I do with a lot of people I chat with day to day. But I also find through blogging a camaraderie and understanding, I don't readily encounter. People don't get my sense of humor very often...

Hope you're feeling better, Maureen.

[Ginger]

As another person said, very thought provoking. I honestly think blogging, social networking, email, texting and IM's are the new way of writing letter. Faster, just like driving a car is faster than a horse and buggy. Not nearly as romantic, in either case. But it is what it is in our fast paced world.

And I've met some of my best friends online. Treasures that I would have never gotten a chance to meet "in real life."

[TC]

I haven't "talked" to anyone from my immediate family or friends for.......last one I saw was my daughter @ Thanksgiving. We keep in touch by internet and a rare phone call. I hate the phone.

I was actually thinking of this earlier today when I was rebooting the computer, have to get back to my internet world.

EXCELLENT post.

[Amy at Never-True Tales]

What a great post, Kristen! (Thanks for hosting and joining Won't You Be My Neighbor, Maureen!)

I wonder about the balance between my 'virtual' life and my real life (and both are real, so I like Ivy League Insecurities' term!). I have become so close to so many people I've 'met' virtually, and the emails we send back and forth read like letters. I save them in gmail, and I cherish them. My blog, too, is a way to put pen to paper and save the small moments of my life from obscurity. So yes, I'd say blogging is the new letter writing!

[Casey]

First off, I've been away a bit and didn't know you were having surgery, Maureen. Hope everything is ok!

Secondly, I do think blogging and technology is taking the place of face to face communication but I like it. I've found more like minded friends online then I have ever found before in person. Maybe that's just me but it's nice to have a community of people who "get me".

[Lynn]

Oh dear--are you OK?

I've been thinking about this, too. I love writing and receiving letters, but my handwriting can't keep up with my brain, and I end up getting frustrated. So blogging and emails are good.

But they just can't compare to the excitement of getting a real letter in the mail!

[kathryn]

Blogging, email and tweets have undoubtedly kept me more in touch with friends...and have allowed me to make many new "blogbuds" as well.

The only difference for me between email and hand-written notes is no-one has to deal with my making a mistake on a word and having to cross it out!

I think it's as personal as you want it to be....or as impersonal. JMHO!