The Kindness of Strangers

My mother called to tell me my father had died. I was at work. At the library. 

I needed to get off the island to reach her. Now. "You should just wait and come with the kids for the funeral," she told me, putting up the bravest front.

But "No," I insisted. "I don't want you to be alone."

"Okay." Her voice cracked. "Thank you."

I needed to leave work. Figure out what boat might take me over to the mainland in time to meet which bus to get me to the airport to catch whatever plane would get me to Florida where I would need a car to reach my parents' house.

Except that now it was only my mother's house.

Then Daughter #2 called me. From the road, one town over in Vineyard Haven. She was hiking towards the nearest bus stop, in tears over her grandfather, and trying to get home. I told her to sit tight till I got there.

When we were finally headed home together I asked why she hadn't kept her original plan and continued on to the beach with her BF.

"It's not like there's anything you can do at home right now," I explained. "I don't want you just sitting there being sad."

"But." She paused and looked over at me, and her blue eyes filled. "I didn't want you to be alone."

"Oh." I managed to keep my voice steady. "Thank you."

At home my mind was a big fat jumble. Then I phoned The Ex. He is the one person I know who knows all there is to know about catching boats to buses to planes to cars. The Ex travels for a living. George Clooney's character in Up In the Air is, essentially, his life. He is the road-warrior extrordinaire.

"Don't worry," he told me. "I've got it." And, for once, he did.

By chance he was off-island on a job in Massachusetts, an hour from the boat. So he was there waiting when I dragged my hastily packed suitcase off the ferry in Woods Hole. He drove me to Logan. Got me on an earlier flight to Florida. Arranged for a car to be waiting in Orlando.

I cringed when he told the woman behind the JetBlue counter in Boston that my father had just died. I've never played well with strangers, let alone shared my personal tragedies.

But this woman, this stranger, changed my ticket, closed down her computer station, and personally escorted me past the long lines through security, where she assisted me in loading up the gray buckets with my shoes and laptop and quart-sized baggie.

I never even got her name.

What is is about kindness that rips through the bullshit and reaches right inside our hearts, leaving us raw and exposed, stripped down to our essential selves?

And however would we get by without it?


Thank you so very very much for your loving supportive comments and emails these last weeks. You out there are an amazing bunch of people and I am privileged to know you.

 

 

Comments

[A Mom on Spin]

So glad that someone was able to pave the way for you.

Sometimes people actually act like they should.

Refreshing. . .

[The gold digger]

What is is about kindness that rips through the bullshit and reaches right inside our hearts, leaving us raw and exposed, stripped down to our essential selves?

I can keep a stiff upper lip through any meanness or rudeness someone might dole out to me, but it's when someone is nice to me I will burst into tears.

I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. It is not fair at all.

[Mama Badger]

I'm so happy you had people to help you out. When someone is willing to step out of their normal role and go a little further it really does make all the difference.

And you daughter's words? Priceless.

Glad you got down to be with your Mom as quickly as you could. I hope you are getting some time as a family to remember him fondly and give him a good send off into the great beyond.

[Sprite's Keeper]

I don't know about others, but once someone becomes "human" to me, I will go out of my way to help them. That's what your ex did when he explained to the attendant what was happening and her response was appropriate and appreciated even if you never got her name.
Kindness is still out there. Unfortunately, it takes sad events to bring them out sometimes.
Been thinking about you. ((hugs))

[Pseudo]

Thank you for sharing your story Maureen. Even exes and airline workers show their best when someone is in need.

Again, so sorry about your dad. {{{{HUGS}}}}

[Erica@PinesLakeRedhead]

Maureen, you have wonderful people in your life. They are drawn to you. And your daughter is just like you.

I'm glad you're back. I've missed you.

[Alyson (New England Living)]

Being out of town and then sick, I must have missed your post about your father. I'm so sorry to hear this news! I wish you love and peace at this time. Must have been so hard being thousands of miles away from your mom when you got the news.

[BumbleVee]

I'm so glad there have been kindnesses shown you at this time.... and, you are right... kindness can make me cry quicker than meanness or brutality ever did ....

I don't know Maureen.... that "ex" sounds like he is a special person in his way ... even if the two of you are not perfect together...he is still there for you and the kids.... bless him.

..

[Libby]

I am so sorry. And I am glad that there were people who could make this time easier for you.

[Joan]

Maureen - so sorry about the passing of you father. My sympathies to you and your family.

The kindness of strangers is something we all experience at times. Times when you least expect it and need it the most. Glad they were there.

[Gropius]

Maureen, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. The photo you posted is beautiful. And strangers who are there for us exemplify what we all have inside--the power to change the course of someone's difficult moment just by being human. Thinking of you and your family.

[Michele]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. When I lost my dad I sat on the floor of my closet and cried. I barely remember helping my mom deal with all the arrangements though I know I did most of the work since she was in no shape to do it. What I do remember is all the friends from church helping. It's amazing isn't it? Take care.

[Kimberly]

Oh, I'm so sorry about your loss. I lost my dad about 4 years ago and it is so hard. I'm glad you didn't have to deal with the normal travel hassles at such a difficult time. That was very kind of the "Ex" and the airline employee. Hang in there.

[Linda at Bar Mitzvahzilla]

Maureen, This is a beautiful post, about how you knew you had to be there for your mother and your daughter knew she had to be there for you. And how incredibly rewarding that the relationship with your ex was there ado to assist - that's a credit to you as well.

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your father.

[subWOW]

I just want to come over and give you a big hug. My faith in humanity is renewed through stories such as the one you told so beautifully.

[MrsBlogAlot]

What a beautiful story of kindness. Makes me feel so good and proud to be human sometimes.

Maureen, hope you are doing as well as can be expected. Been thinking about you and your family. You are so lucky you have each other.

[SuziCate]

Sometimes, it is the kindness of strangers that get us through the horrible times in life. I am glad your ex was able to help you get where you needed to be. I've been thinking about you and praying for your family. It brought tears to my eyes and joy to my heart that your daughter wanted to be with you the way you wanted to be there for your mother. Hugs!

[only a movie]

Sort of at a loss for words. Just love this, Maureen. xoxo

[Diane]

I am sure you and your family have been through so much, my heart goes out to you. Thank goodness for the sweet souls that helped to make your painful jouney a little less difficult.

[Tracie]

I'm so very sorry about your dad. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings]

It is wonderful when someone shows kindness when we need it most. So glad you got there. I'm sorry you had to get there for such a sorrowful time in your families journey. I'm thinking of you. . .those difficult times will continue, I'm sure, for quite awhile.

[Stacia]

I'm so glad to hear your voice again, and I'm still so very sorry for your loss. I hope the kindness of strangers, the love of your wonderful children, and your own memories of your dad are getting you through. I'm wishing you comfort tonight.

[Vincent]

I'm amased you can remember much of anything.

[Heather]

I just wish I could give ya a big ole hug, but here is this instead ((((hugs)))). My heart is heavy with the sighs.

Kindness from a stranger is something that always makes me smile and think the world is not as bad as it seems sometimes.

[BigLittleWolf]

Whatever it is about that kindness of strangers, it's an incredible gift. And so many people will offer it, if we let them know we need it.

This brought tears to my eyes. Recalling the passing of my own parents - both - unexpected. I know there were many kindnesses. They've blurred over. But I hope I've retained the ability to pay it forward.

Sending good thoughts. Be good to your mother, and let your daughter and ex be good to you.

[Smart Mouth Broad]

Hugs. What else can I say?

[lisleman]

thank you for sharing this at this sad time of your life. It's heart warming to read about strangers helping strangers. It reaffirms my believe most of the world and people are good.

[Michelle Murphy Zive]

Again I'm so sorry for your loss. I have to thank you for sharing your story of your father and what strangers (and your loved ones) did for you. I love how these people stepped up when you needed them most. It does make you feel good being human. Take care of yourself.

[kathryn]

Oh, God...I'm weeping for you...I started when you realized it wasn't your parents' house anymore.

I'm so grateful that people responded the way that they did...it's a reminder of all the good that's out there. I do believe that people can feel our pain...and have either been there (and can relate) or understand that they someday will be...and only hope someone will be as kind to them. "It's the right thing to do," I can imagine them saying, with a shrug.

Indeed it is.

[Kate]

So glad your back. What a difficult time in your life. It makes such a difference when people are there for us in our moments of need. It is the strangeness of kindness that makes all the difference sometimes. I'm glad someone was there for you.

[Jenn @ Juggling Life]

I am so sorry about your father.

And I have to say that even though your marriage didn't last forever, it sounds like you picked a decent man.

[Patty]

"What is is about kindness that rips through the bullshit and reaches right inside our hearts, leaving us raw and exposed, stripped down to our essential selves?"

Wow, this is so powerful. And so true! In Jan. when I took my son to a doctor and when he was diagnosed with autism, I held it together, until we went to Subway. At the restaurant, my son said something about loving pickles and the woman behind the counter informed me as she packed up our sandwiches that she added extra pickles for Danny. I don't know why, but I seriously almost lost it. Her kindness, her small thoughtfulness towards my son, whose life seemed to change that day, it broke my heart.... I can't explain it.

Anyway, I am so sorry about your dad. And I am really glad you were able to be there with your mom.

[TC]

I've had people go out of their way continuously like the counter girl in the airport did for you. Last week it was the wife of friends who changed her evening plans so they could pick us up when our vehicle broke, it really gets to you.
Be good to yourself, treasure what you have and had, do family time but get back to normal...and it takes years but it will pass.

[Casey]

Hi Maureen, I've been a horrible bloggy pal and I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. I'm glad you were there for your mom and your daughter was there for you. And that airline employee, wow. Hope your mom (and you and your family) is doing ok.

[Jane]

I'm so teary now, thinking of you, thinking of the chain of people reaching out so that another wouldn't be alone, thinking of the kindness of strangers and just how important that is. You are a sweet, sweet soul. And I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you, dear blogging friend.

[Jen]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. And what a great guy your ex is for doing all that he did. My thoughts are with you.

[Ginger]

I just now read this, Maureen. I'm so sad for you. But you have an amzing daughter and I'm pretty sure an amazing mother as well. Give them both a hug. And hang in there.

[Jill]

Oh no...Maureen, I'm so sorry. I've been away from the "blogosphere" for a while. I know we don't truly know each other, but I feel in a way as if we are friends and I feel terrible that I have missed this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and my virtual arms are around you.

Jill

[Joanie Mack]

Oh Maureen! I don't know how I've missed your recent blog posts, but I did. My sincere condolences on the loss of your beloved father.

[Vintage Simple]

The kindness of strangers is uncomplicated - in a way that the kindness of those we know can't ever be. It's just different, and I think we take it simply for what it is, without reading anything into it.

I am really sorry about your dad... But there really are no proper words, are there? My thoughts are with you, Maureen.

Sending you much love,
-maria

[Kate]

Maureen-I haven't been on top of my blogs lately, so I just read this. I'm so sorry to hear about your dad, and I feel for you, your mom, and everyone else. I'll be thinking of all of you.

[starrlife]

Kindness knocks me to my knees when I'm well and lifts me up when I'm on my knees. Hugs.

[Dissertation Editing]

It is sad to read your post. In a way, I believe that writing will lessen the sadness that you are feeling. There are really lots of angels in disguise. Good to know that some of the people show you kindness.